Have you noticed that some leaders receive more Understanding, Support and even Love from their staff than others?
They earn this empathy because they avoid making 3 mistakes:
Mistake 1: Not apologising.
When was the last time you apologised to one of your staff members for something you said or did?
When we ask leaders this question, many cannot even recall when they last time apologised. It’s not like they think they are perfect and there was no need to apologise, it’s often more a question of them not understanding that their people need to hear their apology. They go “Oh yeah, maybe I should have done that”.
If you as a leader cannot apologise, your staff will also not be willing to apologise to their peers, and your team culture will become literally “unforgiving”.
Mistake 2: Being defensive.
In the last week, have you tried to convince one of your staff that what you did was actually the right thing to do - although it went wrong and hurt them?
Being defensive is a manipulative tactic to avoid being wrong, and it is has a serious negative impact on your staff. They know what they feel and want you to recognise it, but instead of acknowledging what you did and the negative impact, you push away your ownership. It’s a kind of gaslighting, and it makes people doubt their own feelings and they feel unsafe.
If you as a leader cannot own your mistakes, your staff will also not own their mistakes. Consequently, your team culture will lack accountability.
Mistake 3: Not asking for help.
How comfortable are you asking your staff for help?
Very often, leaders need and want help, but do not allow themselves to ask for it. They reason that it is a sign of weakness to not have the answer to all questions, and maybe even fear that their staff will be “talking behind their back”. This insecurity limits their performance and prevents good ideas to emerge, and you end up carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.
If you as a leader cannot ask for help, you will end up with a team of independent contributors, with little teamwork and connection.
Leaders get more understanding, support and even love from their staff when they Apologise, Own It and Ask for help. When they are not perfect, but humanly flawed and vulnerable.
If you need a bit more of empathy, consider these 6 ways to make it easier for your staff to give you what you need.
