High Challenge, High Support leadership only works with Empathy.
Being an empathic leader has nothing to do with being “soft” and not getting upset. It also does not exclude holding people accountable and imposing consequences. The thing about Empathic leaders is that they keep their relationship intact, and feel with the person they are dealing with.
Consequently, high empathy leader’s teams have 2x the level of Engagement, Collaboration and Psychological Safety, compared to low empathy leader’s teams*.
If you want to increase your people’s wellbeing and performance, you can start right here. In this article we share 5 simple steps how to bring in more empathic leadership.
fake empathy backfires.
Faked empathy is manipulation, with the goal to bring other people into a the relaxed state of mind, which can then be taken advantage of. The pressured leader can fake empathy and sweet-talk, to get understanding for an unpopular decision. But people notice when they are subjected to fake empathy, and it destroys trust. It back fires. We often play along when we encounter fake empathy, because it can be the safe thing to do. The alternative is a conflict, which we may want to avoid.
An example of Empathic leadership.
Martin, a hardworking and high performing staff, emails his superior, Susan, with bad news: The work level overwhelms him, and he cannot continue to take care of certain critical tasks. He is running out of energy, and he hates to admit it.
Instinctively, Susan knows that this moment requires something more than a Yes or No. She calls Martin, wanting to better understand what’s going on. Susan sees Martin’s email as an invitation to connect, rather than just solving a problem. She focuses on Martin, his situation and their relationship, not the problem. When Susan responds this way, she enables Martin to feel seen, heard and important.
This is exactly what Empathic Leadership and Communication is all about.
For many leaders it is awkward to focus on the person first, and not the problem. They believe they are paid to solve problems. But in fact, leaders are paid to enable their people to thrive and perform.
How to step into another person’s shoes
1. What is the person’s context?
It’s easy to only focus on the Content of the message “I want to stop doing certain tasks”, and respond to only that. But what is going on for the person otherwise? Working from home can be stressful, or there are some worries that the person needs to deal with. Take a few moments to imagine the other person’s situation, emotions and potential needs.
2. What is important for the person?
If this is a staff of yours, think back to your previous interactions, and explore what you have experienced being important to the person. Maybe this person values being perfect, or maybe the person finds energy in meeting people face-to-face, which is now impossible. Take a few moments to imagine your counterpart’s pains, unmet needs and expectations.
How to respond constructively
3. Recognise the person!
When you start to respond, make sure you really connect with the person. Ensure that they feel that this conversation is important to you. It also helps your counterpart tremendously, to feel recognized. Even better, if they feel that you appreciate them on as a personal.
4. Align! Both context, content and emotions.
At this stage, remember that you may still not know what this is all about. It’s easy to let your assumptions make you jump to premature conclusions, and this is where most leaders go wrong. Instead try this:
1. Ask the person to explain the situation, how it impacts them and what they need.
2. Support them to identify and verbalize their context and emotions.
3. Enable them to verbalize what they (really) need.
While doing this, don’t lead people in the direction you want. Suspend your judgement, and be open for what may come up. Be ready to “dance in the moment”.
How to co-create and move ahead.
5. Co-create! Both decisions and actions.
It’s tempting to take a decision and close the conversation now. In some cases, this may be the right approach, but not always. Think of this moment as an opportunity, where you can choose between Giving Help or instead Empower the person. Switch off your autopilot, and be intentional about your choice. Weigh options together, debate alternatives and potential solutions. Be open for solutions you may not have considered before.
Finally, ensure that the (hopefully joint) decision and actions are clear in terms of What, When and Who, and suppress your urge to define what the person needs to do. That’s their job, not yours. Agree on a time to check in with each other again, and stick to it.
Empathy is a Leadership Superpower
People want to know that they leader cares about them. Today, more than ever.
In our research* with more than 1.800 employees with a global distribution, we identified that a leader’s level of empathy leads to a 2x higher level of team collaboration, employee engagement and psychological safety. We also identified that the leader influences 60% of the teams sense of psychological safety.
That’s why empathy is a leadership super-power. It pays off for everyone, and does not need any investments.
Yours, Henrik
Book tip
The mindset to lead with true empathy, and some of the steps in the approach we use, are inspired by the great work of Crystal and Gregor Lim-Lange in their book Deep Human. In this book, they bring simple and impactful ways to lead with more Empathy, that any culture worker, HR business partner or leader, can learn from.
*Research published June, 2020. Reach out to us for a copy.